music to read by :: Sabbatical (Michael Uzowuru)
I’ve been running into a lot of brick walls these days, when attempting the things I love. Interpreted literally, I am covered with bruises, constantly sporting a mild headache; figuratively, I’m depressed, stressed, and again with the headache.
For the literal brick walls, I’ve started wearing my glasses more, but this makes me nuts as they are “reading” glasses and I find the more I wear them, the more I have to wear them. My eyes are becoming lazy in their old age. The figurative walls? I’ve had to make some decisions regarding my time allotment, being realistic in what I can and cannot accomplish without underestimating my, well, ability to accomplish stuff. I am my own worst enemy after all.
One of my biggest walls is the fact I do not have a full-time out of the house job – or a part-time one for that matter. My day to day “employment” is to raise my daughter to be the best possible person she can be and I do this full-time. I think this activity deserves a better title than stay at home mom. Frankly, I’m the CEO and CFO of our family and it’s hard work. Just because you see me going to yoga classes and having coffee does not mean I’m just sitting around waiting for you to ask me to do something. It just means I’m good at time management. So I’ll be knocking this wall down and learning to say no. No I won’t just wait around, no I can’t volunteer all my time, and no (insert assumption here).
My income earning activity (ha! income!) is pottery, and this is where the sabbatical thing comes in. It’s causing me stress and unhappiness in my inability to control my environment and the individual stages within the process, This (perceived?) inability makes me feel I cannot take commissions or commit to anything date sensitive. Bang! Wall! My stages are divided between my workspace in the basement, and a shared studio about 30 minutes away. Between the child-rearing, all my CEO/CFO responsibilities, volunteer commitments, and prep for the next stage of my life, works are rushed, and heading out to the studio causes me stress. So the husband and I chatted and we’ve agreed that Wonky Pots needs its own studio to continue. I will continue to pot, but with a more relaxed attitude, focusing on being creative and bringing the quality back up to where I would like it be. Will I continue to sell my pots? I’m not sure, maybe if some awesome pieces appear. We’ll see. But consider Wonky Pots on sabbatical for about a year, while we re-direct our lives, with personal studio space as one of our end goals.
One of my end goals? Yeah. Because this fall I start down a new path in my life; 200 hours of yoga teacher training. I’m as likely as not to be dead by the end of the session, but I will have accomplished something epic. I will have come out of a shell and conquered one of the toughest walls in my life, me.
So when you see me heading to my 3rd yoga class of the week, don’t assume I’m some spoilt stay at home parent with time to kill in a trendy neighbourhood. I’m a CEO/CFO, on-sabbatical-potter, parent-volunteer, yogi-to-be, and all around awesome mom.