When I was in my early twenties, and of a clubbing mentality, I would frequent a local dance club that catered mainly to the gay male of our species, and played the best club music around. As a straight female, this was a pretty safe place to hang as long as one was comfortable with co-ed bathrooms and all that implied in a gay dance club. Sure, my wardrobe probably wasn’t up to standard, but I could bust a move, and as long as I was allowed to pee in peace all was good.
One evening my to-be-husband and I decided to take our then roommate to this club, forgetting it was male stripper/dancer night.
The pet – which is how we referred to our roommate – had never encountered this male stripper phenomenon and was enthralled. He was mostly obsessed with how the performers were able to stay … how should I say …. hard at work. As I would never let anyone die in ignorance, I attempted to explain to the pet about certain paraphernalia that could be purchased to facilitate this, uh, work ethic.
The show ended and we went about our evening, dancing away, then headed home.
Only to be awoken by a piercing scream and the sight of the pet dancing around the livingroom naked save for his doc martens …. and a broccoli band around his … well …. let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.
The next morning I threw out the broccoli and hoped the pet had a “duh” moment and realized that not everything we see is good for us.
One of my own “duh” moments came a couple of years ago when I discovered how easy it was to make mayonaisse. I’ll never buy that crap again.
Put one farm fresh egg, 1/2 tsp mustard powder, 1/2 tsp salt, and 2 tbsp white vinegar in your food processor. I also add one clove of garlic. We love garlic mayo here and use it with everything. Blend like there is no tomorrow.
Pour in 1/4 cup of oil. No more. Trust me. I use canola. I’ve also used vegetable. I once used olive oil, and while my husband and daughter thought it fine, I couldn’t scrape it off my tongue fast enough.
Blend, blend. blend. Do a little dance. Maybe nibble on some broccoli.
Once everything is blended, pour in 3/4 cups of oil in a slow steady stream while blending. This is very important or you will end up with oily goop.
You will notice the mixture becoming more white and quite thick. Pretty much like mayonnaise. It should be done a few seconds after you finish dribbling in the oil.
There ya have it. Fresh, whole food mayo in about 5 minutes.
This recipe makes approximately 2 cups and will last about 2 weeks in the fridge. My husband once found some undated mayo at the back of the fridge and ate it. He’s still here so …. still … I don’t reccomend it, what with the raw egg and all.
Last night we had it with sweet potato fries.
No. Not broccoli.